Below Deck Power Rankings, Week 7.4: Now You’re Not Gonna Feed Me?

The only thing better than a new episode of Below Deck on Monday nights is Sarah D Bunting's Tuesday morning power rankings. Click here for previous Below Deck power rankings.

Below Deck S07, E04: "Weekend At Brandy's II"

To my mild surprise, charter guest Brandy does not die. She doesn't die of sunstroke; she doesn't die of alcohol poisoning; she doesn't die because she naps the day away after a visit from the medic, then gets up in the middle of the night, puts on some weird fringey outfit, and asks Courtney for a mimosa while whinging into her phone that everybody else went to bed, thus fairly inviting a member of the interior crew to murder her.

Fortunately for Brandy, everyone's busy with their own dramas, as Kate is parrying clumsy attention from Tanner -- he's making what he thinks is a wine date with her; she has no idea it's a date, and if she heard his voice-overs comparing her to your friend's sexy aunt, she'd certainly never consent to one -- and Simone's basically hiding in the laundry room so she doesn't have to deal with Kevin. Wise move, as Kevin is called onto the carpet by Captain Lee over his and Simone's dust-up, and handles it with typical Kevin grace...none. He hand-waves the disagreement and leaves the meeting before he's dismissed, ostensibly to finish preparing dinner...but he forgets to prepare a portion of the main course for Captain Lee, who has to eat garnish and seethe. And when Kevin's called on THAT, but the captain is too busy driving the boat to look him in the eyes during the dressing-down, Kevin spends the remainder of the episode sulking.

He's not looking like the most likely to get fired, though -- that's Abbi. Ashton has to remind her again about her hair. She whines again about all the uniform changes. And drowning the memory of a rough charter in some shots is one thing, but texting Ashton the next day to say you can't move is going to get you one of Captain Lee's famous tickets home.

Who's getting a medal and who's getting a medic? Your Episode 4 power rankings...

1. Courtney. Courtney's serious about climbing these rankings, y'all! She correctly and hilariously predicts that Brian's an Instagram gym-selfie guy before saying she's not into that: "It's not cuddly? I like something squishy." She then announces that she's into the prospective Kate/Tanner relationship, because she's nosy and wants to gossip about a boat-mance. And she's so over Ashton hitting on her, she's under it; she is literally staring into the middle distance. Hero. (And? No complaining.) [Last week: 4]

2. Captain Lee. Stroppier than he needs to be about Kevin bolting back to the galley -- he did summon the chef during dinner prep -- but is a hero about getting Brandy a medic, and staying with her just in case. His WTF faces as he watches the guests eat a delicious main course he didn't get are poetry. [Last week: 1]

3. Kate. Keeps a sense of humor about the bonkers Brandy situation; tries to protect Simone from Kevin; manages to deflect Tanner's hamfisted attentions at the club without alienating him. But her best moment is when Tanner invites her to split a bottle of wine and Kate mock-snaps, "That's so rude" -- she wants her own bottle. Hee. [Last week: 2]

4. Simone. Sanguine about doing her time at the ironing board, and eye-rolls Abbi's hangover by noting that this is why she doesn't do shots. [Last week: 6]

5. Ashton. Most of his direct reports screw at least one pooch this week, but whether he's nagging Abbi about hair elastics or sighing that Brian should have told him that he broke the davit before he confessed to Captain Lee, he keeps a team-spirit attitude and isn't a dick. Pity that, hours after shrugging that Courtney's too hard to flirt with, he tries it anyway...with awkward get-to-know-you lines that sound like they came out of a party game from Spencer Gifts. [Last week: 3]

6. Brian. He broke a sixty-thousand-dollar piece of equipment, and it's great that he admits it immediately...but he does so outside of the chain of command, and follows THAT up by seeing his boss hitting on Courtney, then taking a shot at her himself, albeit more subtly. [Last week: 7]

7. Tanner. I mean, he managed not to break anything? But ask Kate out already, sober, and stop falling for production's leading questions about cougars and MILFs and whatnot in talking-head interviews. And he's not as sloppy as some, but I get the feeling he's that pesty "are you mad at me? are you sure you're not mad at me?" drunk. [Last week: 5]

8. The guests. That they apparently find Brandy's genuinely scary altered drunken state annoying, versus worrisome, is not that bad -- dealing with That Person in the group doesn't bring out anyone's best -- but they neither help her nor help the crew WITH her, and it's not like they're holding it together THAT much better, not when a guest gives Kevin a masturbation kit as a goodbye present. Wh...at? But when they're coherent, they're polite to the staff, and they come through with a good tip. [Last week: 10]

9. Kevin. Kevin seems DIMLY aware that it's best just to apologize and not lawyer whatever conflict to death...but can't quite bring himself to do that. He's a child about Captain Lee, his boss, not turning to face him while clocking him for letting Captain Lee, HIS BOSS, go hungry (he didn't even try to make a non-matching substitute plate, or ask if Lee would like him to), and then he's a double child for snitting that Captain Lee is a "C," like, just use the word, you baby. Also, those eggs looked nasty. [Last week: 9]

10. Abbi. Okay with the pouting that "this is not sailing." Surely your hair is a hazard on a sailboat as well! Surely sailboat jobs don't let you drink yourself sick and expect nobody to mind! Braid your hair, pin it up, take an Alka-Seltzer, and shut it. [Last week: 8]

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Sarah D. Bunting co-founded Television Without Pity, and her work has appeared in Glamour and New York, and on MSNBC, NPR's Monkey See blog, MLB.com, and Yahoo!. Find her at her true-crime newsletter, Best Evidence, and on TV podcasts Extra Hot Great and Again With This.